


don't wear my sweatshirt

by DramamineOnTopOfMe



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clothes Sharing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Pining, feelings reveal, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23241847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramamineOnTopOfMe/pseuds/DramamineOnTopOfMe
Summary: He knew about his feelings from the get-go. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell Buck that the jealousy he first felt was actually some weird form of attraction. He lived with it, dealt with it any way possible.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 560





	don't wear my sweatshirt

**Author's Note:**

> No Beta, I found this in my folder, it's probably been there for a few months. Decided to sprint on it and ended up writing 2/3 of it in about an hour or so. 
> 
> Umm, yell at me for any major mistakes or missed tags? Hope everyone is having a good day/night/whatever  
> Next day edit: I fixed the pairing tag, thank you to Bobbob for the heads up, I also went through and fixed a few obvious mistakes that I noticed on a quick read-through.

He knew about his feelings from the get-go. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell Buck that the jealousy he first felt was actually some weird form of attraction. He lived with it, dealt with it any way possible. It was easy, most of the time, until the tsunami and lawsuit happened.

Then the feelings grew stronger, came more intensely as they navigated their friendship afterwards. He found himself staring often. How could he not? Eddie was gorgeous inside and out. 

  
  


_It was back when Buck was still couchbound from the explosion. Eddie had come over after his shift to help out a bit, picked up some groceries for him and stuff like that. “Hey, you mind if I take a shower? I’m feeling a bit gross from work today.”_

_“No problem, man. Feel free to borrow a shirt or whatever.” He hadn’t thought twice about it, offering up his closet to his best friend. He stayed on the couch, flipping channels until he found something to play in the background as he fiddled with his phone._

_Sometime later, Eddie bounced down the stairs of the loft, a sweatshirt in hand, “Do you mind if I borrow this? I don’t have a shirt to change into.” With one quick glance, Buck realized what he was holding._

_“Yeah, go for it.” Eddie pulled it over his shoulders before inspecting his chest._

_“Did this thing ever really fit you? You’ve got massive shoulders now.”_

_“Yeah, back before you came I was a bit scrawnier, could fit into something like that. You can keep it, I don’t think I’ll ever be that small again.” Buck offered._

_“Chris is staying with Abuela for a few more hours, want to play some video games?”_

_“Of course man, I’ll never turn down a chance to beat your ass.”_

  
  


Time passed, and Buck completely forgot about the sweatshirt he gave away. That is, until he walked into the firehouse a few weeks, possibly a month later, and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight in front of him. Eddie was leaning over the side of the truck, shining something with a rag, _Buckley_ written in bright red lettering across his shoulder blades. 

His breath caught, mouth agape slightly. The way his name moved across Eddie’s shoulders as he stretched to reach a hard spot just under the step caused a shudder to rip through Buck. Eddie kept working at that spot on the truck, even taking a step onto the base to get at it a little harder. The sweatshirt seemed to be glued to him, showing every ounce of muscle his best friend was hiding under there. 

He didn’t get to stare too long before Chim’s voice entered his ears. “Buckley, didn’t know you laid claim to Diaz!” Chim grabs his attention from the balcony, a megawatt smile on his face. 

Buck scowled, “I didn’t _lay claim_ to anyone." His eyes moved back to Eddie. At the sound of Buck’s voice, Eddie finally looked up from cleaning and smiled as he met Buck’s eyes. 

Without thinking, Buck reached for the hood hanging from Eddie's shoulders. His fingers wrapped around the collar, thumb grazing Eddie’s neck for only a second. His mind must have been playing tricks because he swore he could hear the hitch in his friend’s breath as Buck grabbed him. 

Eddie's eyes went wide for a second, alarmed that Buck grabbed him, "What's up, Buckaroo?"

"You're wearing my old sweatshirt..."

"Yeah, you said I could keep it because it didn’t fit you anymore. Something wrong?"

_Yeah, don’t wear it to work again._

The sight of him sent blood rushing south, all he could picture was Eddie spread out on his bed, wearing that sweatshirt while pulling on his cock. 

His face burned, and he set his jaw. “No… I just-” What could he say here? 

Eddie frowned, “I won’t wear it here if you don’t want me to, man, I know it has your name on the back.” 

“That’s not-” Yes it is. The sight of _Buckley_ spread across his shoulders as he worked was distracting. He didn’t want to see it while on the job. “Just-” 

Something flickered in Eddie’s eyes. He nodded before pulling the sweatshirt off. Buck had to stop himself from whining. “Don’t worry, man. I won’t wear it to work again. Do you mind if I come over after work today? Chris is having a sleepover with Denny at Hen’s and I’m gonna be pretty bored alone tonight.” 

His mouth gaped like a fish for a few seconds. Eddie looked sad, and despite how Buck was feeling, he didn't like the frown on his best friend's face. “Yeah, that’s fine, Eds.” He looked away, drifting up the stairs to the loft where the rest of the team was. Bobby gave him a knowing nod while Hen and Chim were attempting to hide smirks. He scoffed again, “I’ll meet you at my place after work, I have to run a few errands so feel free to make yourself comfortable while I’m gone.” WIthout waiting for an answer, Buck bounded up the stairs to the rest of the team. “Keep your mouths shut.” 

Both Chim and Hen zipped their lips dramatically, throwing away the key for good measure. Bobby frowned, grabbing his arm lightly. “Hey, you doing okay, Buckaroo?” 

“Yeah, just a bit off today, don’t worry about it, Cap.” It was an understatement. His day went from good to horrible in the matter of a minute. And it was all that damn sweatshirt’s fault. Seeing it plastered on Eddie’s body gave him the halting realization that he wanted that, **badly.** He wanted Eddie to wear his name everywhere. But he spent so long not saying anything, that he lost his chance. 

  
  


“Hey man, I’m sorry about the sweatshirt, I didn’t mean for it to be an issue. I know you said that I could take it but we were at work and I know you’re a bit weird about-” 

“Shut up, Eds.” Buck threw his keys on the table and jumped over the coffee table to land on the couch next to Eddie. “Just shut up.” 

“Man, what’s the matter with you?” He turned towards Buck slightly. 

“Nothing is the matter with me. Can we watch a movie or something? Are you hungry, we can order a pizza?” He didn’t want to talk about it. But Eddie was wearing the sweatshirt now, and it seemed even tighter than before. 

“No, something is wrong. Tell me what’s wrong, Buck.” 

“Nothing is wrong, Eddie, just drop it!” His voice raised slightly, and he set his jaw. He put a foot between them on the couch and curled his knees close to his chest. 

“Buck…” He rolled his head onto the back of the couch. He felt Eddie lean towards him, felt the hand above his. “What’s going on, man?” Eddie’s voice was soft, it reminded him of those few times Chris was upset and he watched Eddie calm him down. Eddie’s hand hovered over his still, heat radiating from it. 

“I’m just tired, Eds. Just fucking tired.” It came out more as a grumble, A mumble? He didn’t know. But Eddie understood it, firmly placing his hand over Buck’s. 

“I know.” Buck met his eyes. “I’m your best friend, you think I don’t notice when something has been bothering you?” Eddie smiled sadly, “You’ve been off for a while. Probably since I took this sweatshirt from you, honestly. I don’t think you noticed though.” Eddie paused, squeezing his hand once. Then he pulled away, his fingers gripped the fabric around his waist and pulled it over his head. “Do you want it back? I know it’s your first firehouse hoodie, probably means a lot to you.” 

“How did you-?” 

“Bobby told me after our shift, He said that might be why you’re so upset.” Eddie half folds it before pressing it into Buck’s lap. “You can have it back, or I can take it home and wash it if you want?” 

“No, it’s-” Buck paused. “I don’t want it back, Eddie.” 

“But you…” His eyebrows raised. 

“I like seeing you in it. Keep it.” Buck mumbled, looking down into his lap while wringing his fingers together. He ignored the hoodie in front of him, even pushed it back with his calf. Silence fills the apartment as neither man speaks. Buck’s face burns, Eddie had to know about his feelings now. “I know I got angry at the station, I’m sorry. But it wasn’t at you, not really.” He nudged the hoodie toward Eddie some more. 

Finally, Eddie took it back in his hands. He fingered the strings on the hood, then traced the faded outline of **118** on the front. “What was it about then?” 

He sighed, “I wanted you- want you. It just took me until that moment to be upset with the fact that I do.” Eddie's brows furled and he tilted his head slightly. “Look man, I like you, a lot. I love Chris and you’re my best friend. God, you’re my best fucking friend. And I’ve been pining after you since we met. Seeing you in my sweatshirt today just solidified the fact that you’re not mine, and you’re not going to be mine, ever.” He jutted his chin out and placed it on his knees. 

Silence washed over them again. But this time it wasn’t bearable. Buck couldn’t breathe, he didn’t think he wanted to either. Eddie was caught somewhere between glaring at him and the sweatshirt. Buck wanted to rip his skin off or tear his hair out, something to get rid of the anxiety in his stomach. This was it. This was the end of the best friendship he ever had. Buck washed it all down the drain because of some stupid sweatshirt. 

“You-” Eddie stopped, blinked once, then opened his mouth again. “You think that you’ll never have me?” Buck jolted back as Eddie met his eyes. “You’re such an idiot, man.” He reached for the fingers loosely placed on Buck’s lap. He gripped them tightly, “You’ve got me, sadly you’ve got my kid too.” 

“But not like-”

“But not like that? Yes, like that, Evan.” The sound of his first name sent another jolt through Buck’s body. “I’ve got it bad for you, Buckley, I don’t know how you haven’t noticed.” Eddie let go of his hand to instead put his fingers around Buck’s jaw. “You’ve got me, man. You’ve always had me.” 


End file.
